Going Home
by misolovesoup
Summary: Victor has never celebrated his own birthday, and in effect, Christmas. This year, Yuri's about to find out why. It's time to unveil Victor's past. Rated T for a reason.


**Author's Note: Hello everybody! I have just entered the fandom about a week ago and I am OBSESSED with it (hard not to be). I hope you treat me well! Anyway I have been re-watching the anime and I noticed how there's so much mystery surrounding Victor. So I decided to do a fic where I put my own musings and theories on Victor's life.**

 **If you feel that there are major inconsistencies in my story with what the anime has already given, feel free to point it out.** **I wanted this fic to be as real to who Victor is as it can be. Anyway, hope you all enjoy. This is my Christmas gift to y'all, although it is a bit late. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Oh and, ADVANCED HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. I came up with the story's main idea on my own, any similarities with other stories are purely coincidental :)**

* * *

In a few hours, the Grand Prix Finals would start. In a few hours, Victor would see the epitome of his and Yuri's 8 months of hard work.

He would have to be strong for Yuri. God knows that boy can reach all time high levels of anxiety, so Victor will have to be his support, his rock.

With this in mind, Victor decided to take an early morning walk near the coast to shake off his own nerves, the soft sunlight glistening against his ring.

The ring given by Yuri Katsuki. _His_ Yuri.

Smiling, he raised his hand, palm facing the sun, to look at it. His heart swelled, remembering last night's events.

He knew. God he _knew_ it was more than just a thank you. He saw it in Yuri's eyes. It was something more. Victor could tell the younger boy wanted to give him something for his birthday. Or at the very least for Christmas. But despite Yuri being the closest person his ever been to. Despite the deep range of emotions he feels for him. This was a door he wasn't yet ready to open.

After all, he had never celebrated Christmas, nor his own birthday, in his life. He just told Yuri a little white li –

His back just died and went to heaven. And then it resurrected and died again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Deciding to set aside his inner turmoil for later, Victor turned around and met Yuri Plisetski's piercing green eyes.

* * *

Victor was dreaming. He was sure of it because when he opened his eyes he was looking at the rotting ceilings of the orphanage. The place he vowed never to return to.

"What's your name son?" a priest appeared from thin air beside him. Victor surprised himself when he heard himself reply.

He said in his hoarse but younger voice "Vic…tor".

With a start, he realized he was reliving a memory rather than dreaming. It was when he first came to the orphanage.

"Any last name?" the priest asked

Victor shook his head no. All at once, memories of his time in the orphanage flooded into the picture.

" _We can't let another child in! We're too full!"_

" _He's going to have to earn his right to stay then!"_

" _You useless brat! You burned the bread!"_

" _It's snowing! Look! The lake has already frozen!"_

" _Oy look! The new boy is fumbling in the ice! Stupid thing doesn't even know how to skate!"_

" _That boy's useless in his chores but he has a knack for skating doesn't he?"_

" _Who's that?"_

" _That's Victor Nikifirov, a famous ice hockey player. Not like you would even know what ice hockey is."_

" _Nikifirov…. I like that name."_

" _I found this puppy in the middle of the road. He's been hit by a car! We need to help him!"_

" _Can we keep him?"_

" _Your name is Maccachin."_

" _Maccachin where are you?"_

" _Head master you must punish them! They tortured my puppy and drowned him in a drum! For fun! HEAD MASTER PLEASE!"_

" _YA LITTLE BASTARD GOT US INTO TROUBLE! Ya think ya can get away with this?! We've been 'ere longer than ya 'ave! Learn yar place ya little shit! Oy! Get 'im!"_

" _Stop! I'm sorry! Please stop!"_

" _We'll make it so that ya can't use yar feet no more. 'ow ya gonna skate now? YA WANNABE VICTOR NIKIFIROV!"_

The memories were returning faster than his mind nor his heart, could keep up with. The images all became a blur and it swirled around him. Laughing. Mocking him. Reminding him of his history.

" _WANNABE VICTOR NIKIFIROV!"_

" _Be Victor Nikifirov!"_

" _Victor Nikifirov!"_

" _Victor!"_

"Victor!"

"VICTOR!"

Victor's eyes shot open.

His heart was racing. He was back in the hotel room. In Barcelona. With Yuri. The latter being just a few inches from his face and giving him a concerned look.

"Are you okay Victor? You were mumbling and grunting in your sleep. I've been trying to wake you up for a while now."

Victor visibly relaxed. Putting his hand at the back of Yuri's head, Victor pulled him closer, making Yuri lose his balance and fall completely on top of him.

"Trying to take advantage of me while I was sleeping? My, my. I never you knew you had such naughtiness in you Yuri." Victor said in his husky morning voice, keeping their forehead touching and staring into Yuri's eyes.

In a flash Yuri was off the bed and a safe distance away, face beet red and a bumbling, mumbling mess.

"O-of course not! I thought you were having a nightmare so I tried to wake you up! But then you were saying something but I couldn't hear it so I leaned closer and - ! And!"

Victor was just staring at him. A half smile, half smirk on his face. And not to mention, half naked. Yuri swallowed hard.

"AnywayI'mgoingtobreakfastfirstbecausePitchitiswaitingformeandyou'renotyetpreparedbutbesuretobereadybefore10'oclockbecausethat'swhenthehotelbreakfastendsokay?Bye!"

Victor chuckled as the door slammed shut. But slowly, the humor died and he was left in his own thoughts again. Exhaling deeply, he lied back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

It's been years since he last remembered his time in the orphanage. He buried it deep down. Into the darkest recesses of his mind. But yesterday and the night before had been so stressful and was such a rollercoaster ride of emotions that he lost control in supressing those memories.

His heart still ached every time he remembers Yuri telling him that he'll retire. And that they can go their separate ways. That they _should_ go their separate ways.

Victor closed his eyes.

He almost lost it again.

The closest thing he ever had to a home.

He almost lost him.

* * *

Victor's ring clinked against the ceramic as he grabbed his espresso that he spiked with a bit of vodka. Looking around the table, his mind eased slightly as he took in everyone's calm and cheerfulness. Yuri was talking to Pitchit about the girl who composed Yuri on Ice, the music he used for his free skate program. Chris was cutting in at regular intervals. Saying that this could be a spring board for her career since it was used in such a big competition and asking Yuri if he could get her to write a song for his own program. Otabek and Yurio were busy beating each other in a video game, making sure to let out a string of curses at the appropriate time. Surprisingly, Yakov was there too. Eating silently and seemingly ignoring everyone else in the table.

Victor began to focus on the conversation when Pitchit asked Yuri what he wanted for Christmas.

"I don't know. I haven't really given much thought about it. Anything would be fine I guess."

"Oh come on" Pitchit whined "What kind of pathetic answer is that? Do you know how hard it is to shop for people who answer with 'anything is okay'? 'Anything' is too broad people! I could give you a box of chicken dung and it would still be classified under 'anything'!"

"Or a gallon of lotion. I'm sure Coach Victor wouldn't mind." Chris snickered

"Chris!" Yuri gasped. Clearly embarrassed at the implication.

"It's okay Yuri. I'm sure we'll be able to think of a lot of _creative_ ways to finish it." Victor answered, teasingly licking his lips free of any remaining spiked espresso.

Yuri spurted a nose bleed. Pitchit freaked out as Yuri fell on the floor. Chris guffawed and slapped Victor on the back. Otabek dropped his phone and lost their game. Yurio's complexion turned a pale shade of green at what he accidentally heard. Yakov sipped his Earl Gray tea.

After a while, the table calmed down and tried to resume a normal conversation.

"Will you be holding a Christmas party this year Pitchit?" Yuri asked, his nose stuffed with tissues that were now already half red.

Pitchit frowned and shook his head. "There's not enough room in my apartment in Thailand and I can't find a place big enough to rent for the party that's within my budget."

"Why not let Yuri hold the party this year? Doesn't his family own a hot spring hotel?" Chris suggested, putting on his circular glasses.

It was then that everyone thought, that maybe Chris gets his smarts from his glasses and not his brain.

"Would that be okay Yuri? We can pay for the accommodations if we have to." Pitchit turned to him, his eyes shining with what can be described as childlike hope. "I've never been to a hot spring. Please? Pleeeeeeease?"

Yuri hesitated. "I'm okay with it, but will anyone go? It's not like the plane tickets are cheap you know. It's hard to believe that people would spend so much money for just a party."

"I'll go. I've never been to Japan. I'd like to visit the castle that Victor's been posting about" Chris said.

Yurio snorted and put on an annoyed expression. "Aaaaah, fine. I'll go. Ya better be ready with lots of pork cutlet bowls little piggy. And they better be for free!" Victor chuckled. That kid is still awkward when it comes to friendships.

"If Yurio goes I'll go too." Otabek added.

"Oy! Don't you start calling me that too Otabek!"

"By the way Yurio, why _were_ you nicknamed 'Yurio'?"

"Oh I know! When he went to chase Victor to Japan, Yuri's older sister declared him as 'Yurio' to avoid confusion whenever they call for Yuri"

"How did you know that Pitchit? You're like some stalker."

"How rude! I'm Yuri's friend of course I'll know."

"Wait, so Yurio, you were placed second to Yuri? Pfffft."

"Otabek you better shut your mouth if you want to have a fighting chance in this game."

"Oh yeah? I think my skills ar – "

"Will Victor go?"

Suddenly, all eyes were on the world's top skater. He blinked. He was too caught up in enjoying the table's laid back feel that he wasn't able to catch Yuri's question.

"What?"

"Will you go Victor?" Yuri repeated. He was staring at him. His eyes hoping for him to say yes. Victor's brain raced a mile a minute.

"I'm sorry Yuri. But there are some things I must fix first with Yakov concerning my comeback. I'll make up to you on New Year's eve." Internally, Victor was lecturing himself. Why can't he just go? He doesn't have to let Yuri know about his past before ice skating. Why not just go and have a good time? Go and party with his fellow skaters. Go and spend Christmas and his birthday with Yuri? Go and not be miserable and alone for once on such a festive day? Why can't he just –

"Oh, ok. I understand" Yuri answered and tried to avert his eyes quickly but being his coach for 8 months has made him quick to catch on. And what Victor saw was the same thing he saw every time he'll leave Maccachin for a competition.

The table was quiet for a bit.

"Wait. You're coming back?"

* * *

"I do not appreciate you using me as your excuse."

Victor turned to see Yakov walking beside him, his brows set in its usual brooding slant. They left the hotel's breakfast hall when JJ and his fiancé popped out of nowhere and announced that he will have his own Christmas party and that everyone should attend. Now they were walking back to their hotel rooms, the pair lagging behind.

"It wasn't an excuse Yakov. We really need to discuss my program and my training schedule with my coaching schedule. I must be prepare for the Russian Nationa-"

"You know as well as I do that those can wait Vitya!"

The pair stopped walking and were now facing each other.

"I have been your coach for many years, you think I don't know what your issue is? Go and attend that boy's party. God knows he'll only be sulking when the day actually arrives and you're not there."

"Yakov, I – "

"It's been years my boy. Its time you let yourself free. That little runt you're trying to coach won't worship you any less if he knows your origin. He's not as shallow as that. I thought you knew that Vitya. End your suffering boy. It's Christmas, not the apocalypse."

Victor had never seen this side of Yakov before. "Why are you pushing this so much?"

"That boy has made you a better person Vitya. He was able to get you back on ice. I owe him this much." With that, Yakov fixed his hat and entered the elevator alone.

* * *

He was standing in front of their room now. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the knob and opened the door.

"Yuuuuuuriiiiiiii!" He yelled as he barrelled inside. All smiles.

"Ah Victor! Wait! No! I'm changing!"

Victor paid no heed and tackled Yuri down into the bed. "Guess what, Yakov said he'll take care of it all by himself! I can go to your party!"

"Eh?!" Yuri exclaimed, his happiness growing with each second. "So you'll go home with me?"

Victor nodded

"I'll be able to celebrate Christmas and your birthday with you?"

Victor nodded. Twice.

"YEEEEEEES!" Yuri cheered as he bear hugged Victor.

"Hey Victor what will your first come back competition be…oh."

Chris did not expect what he saw. Victor on top of Yuri. Yuri's crumpled up shirt and pants that was supposed to be half way up his legs or in Chris's perspective, half way down. In bed.

"Oops. Sorry for interrupting." With speed that would make a ninja proud, he took his phone from his pocket, snapped a picture of the two and ran like hell.

"CHRIS COME BACK HERE!"

* * *

Things were starting to be a little blurry. It was Christmas day and the party was so far, a success. Yuri's parents got so excited that they invited even the locals for the party. Fellow skaters that weren't part of the breakfast table were also invited like Guang Ho, Leo, Emil and the siblings Sala and Michele.

Despite the happy and festive atmosphere, Victor still couldn't shake off his moodiness and resorted to drinking a lot of wine in an effort to lighten up. In fact, his wine induced brain was telling him to go look for Yuri, but for whatever reason, he couldn't remember. To congratulate him on a successful party he guessed?

Anyway, he shouldn't have drunk too much because too many times to count he has hugged and sometimes groped a random person, mistaking him for Yuri. At least now he knows he can still avoid punches and slaps even when drunk.

Huh.

Must be a skill he got from his time in the orphanage.

Yuri's voice pierced through his fuzzy brain.

"Mari did you fix a small red box around here?"

"Oh yeah, I thought it was empty so I put it outside near the trash."

"What! Mari!"

"Sorry!"

Just then a black blur passed by Victor, heading outside. Victor decided that this black blur would finally be the real Yuri. After all 13th time's the charm right? Or was this already the 29th black blur? Oh well.

"Yuuuuuuriiiiiiiiii!" and off he staggered outside.

"Yuuuuuuriiiiiii, where arrrrrrre youuuu?" Was it just him or was the ground getting closer?

"Victor?" Yuri caught him just in time and they both fell into the soft snow.

"What *hic* are you doing out*hic*side Yuri?" Victor asked, loving the feeling of the snow's coldness on his hot face.

"I went to get your gift."

Gift? Oh. Well. Fucking shit. _He_ didn't get Yuri a gift. He has never spent Christmas nor his birthday with anyone before so he forgot all about the custom of exchanging gifts on Christmas. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"I don't want your gift Yuri. Throw it away." Victor buried his face further into the snow. All efforts of the wine to lighten his mood gone.

"Eh?! But, you haven't seen it yet!"

"I don't care. Throw it away. It's mine any way right?"

"But! Why?!"

"I don't want it because I won't have anything to give you back. Throw it away."

Victor heard Yuri sit up and felt his stare on his back.

"Victor, I'm okay if you can't give me anything. I didn't make this with the thought of getting something in return."

Well, that caught his interest.

"You made it?" Victor sat up and looked at the small red box in Yuri's hand, then at Yuri's blushing face.

Victor chuckled. "Hmph. You should teach Yurio some tips Yuri. You are one sly fox." he teased, getting the small box from Yuri's outstretched hand.

Yuri turned into a tomato and spluttered trying to think of a comeback, but when he thought of none, settled with squirming nervously as Victor opened the box.

It was a snow globe. And not an ordinary snow globe with the general design of Christmas tree or a snow man. This one was personalized.

In the center of the snow globe was the hot spring hotel. Skating around it were Yuri's parents, Mari, Minako, the Nishigori family, Maccachin in adorable detailed skates, and Yuri and him.

The attention to detail was so amazing that Victor just sat silently for a few minutes, turning it in his hands, examining every inch. He shook it and was pleasantly surprised to see that there were pork cutlet bowl designs that were originally covered by the fake snow and glitters in the bottom.

Yuri couldn't sit still anymore.

"It's for when you'll leave for your training." he spoke up. "I know you'll come back sometimes and check up on me you know, as my coach, but I thought that soon enough you…might….forget. And so! I-I made it so that you won't forget everyone! Minako-sensei, Yuuko and the kids! I wanted you to know that you're always welcome here and that your memories with us will…be….trea..sured."

Yuri focused on the snow. He couldn't look Victor in the eyes after bearing his heart out like that. If Victor thought the idea funny then fine, but that doesn't mean he'd want to see it.

Yuri gasped for air as Victor hugged him, filling his nose with his sophisticated perfume and the smell of wine.

"You never cease to surprise me Yuri." Yuri felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound of Victor's thick Russian accent. "I'll treasure it."

Yuri felt relieved. All the effort paid off. He was just about to suggest to Victor that they head back inside when Victor used the hug as a way to push them both back on the snow.

"Victor?"

Victor's heart felt as if it was about to beat its way out of his rib cage. Yuri's gift had been too much. Yuri didn't give him a snow globe. Yuri offered him a _home_. And that, that broke all the strings of control that Victor has been keeping for 20 years.

"Today…..today is not my birthday Yuri."

There was nothing Victor could buy that could even hope to amount to the same value as Yuri's gift but there was one thing he could give for free. And out of all the people in his life, Yuri more than well damned deserves it.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know when my real birthday is. Today was just the day I was brought to the orphanage. I don't know why but my parents decided that Christmas was the best day to leave me. Ha. I must've been to precious a gift to keep for themselves." Victor laughed humourlessly, the bitterness in his heart threatening to choke him.

Below him, Yuri was having a hard time breathing. Not because Victor's weight was crushing him - goodness the man was too light given his structure - but because Victor looked so. Damn. Beautiful.

This was his first time seeing Victor so vulnerable and it made Yuri unable to decide whether to wipe his tears away or give him the biggest bear hug ever.

Yuri decided to listen.

And he understood.

Understood that Victor's awkwardness and at times insensitivity with others' feeling stemmed from his efforts to survive when he was younger. Understood that the pain and suffering he went through caused him to become more self-centered because if he didn't care about himself, no one else will. Understood that Victor's flirtatious and sexual nature grew from having to take advantage of everything he had to get what he needed. Understood that the reason he takes so much pride in being famous was because it gave him the feeling of earning the name he felt he stole. Understood that underneath all the layers of confidence he projects, both off and on the ice, was the constant feeling of helplessness and confusion. Victor was lost. He was tired. But he had nowhere, no _one_ to go home too.

And he felt ashamed.

Ashamed that he thought he knew everything about his idol, his coach, his friend only to find out he barely scratched the surface. Ashamed that he let himself be fooled by Victor's confident farce and be completely blind to Victor's constant fighting and pain. Ashamed that he was never able to figure it out by himself. Ashamed that he never wondered why Victor never talked about his parents or even any hints on any relative. Ashamed that he never bothered to ask why Maccachin's pet certificate had a "Jr." at the end. Ashamed that he didn't try sooner, try harder to make Victor feel that he had a home to go to.

They were both quite now. Victor was exhausted emotionally and the alcohol was starting to take its toll on his body. But he needed to know one more thing. He has bared his heart open and he was going to let it all go today.

"Do you see me any different Yuri? Am I any less of who you thought I was?"

Yuri swallowed, looked Victor in the eye and said "I'm sorry."

Victor tried not to let his heart break and humiliation show and quickly tried to get up.

Yuri grabbed his arms and forced Victor to look at him.

"I wasn't done yet." He swallowed. "I'm sorry you felt you were fighting alone. I out everyone else should have noticed." Yuri couldn't help but think it ironic that the person who made him realize that he wasn't fighting alone was the same as he was. "And so this year, this year Victor, I'll make it up to you! I'll win the gold in the Grand Prix Final!"

Victor blinked. His heart swelled. And he smiled. Laughed, finally setting free all of his fears. And finally, smirked.

"You know, you still haven't given me a suggestion on what I can kiss." Yuri spluttered and Victor continued to milk it. "Ah I really wanted to kiss that gold medal. If only Yuri won it, this itch to kiss something would be gone by now."

"I -! It was-!" Yuri couldn't make a coherent sentence. His face burning as he remembered what he thought of last Grand Prix Final.

Victor leaned in and Yuri froze.

Leaning back, Victor looked at Yuri's shocked face and smirked.

"I think we should head back now. The others are probably looking for us." Victor stood up and went back first.

Yuri slowly put his hand on his forehead, the spot Victor just kissed. You would think that after what Victor did in the Cup of China last year, Yuri would be less affected by this simple gesture but that one was mainly on Victor's whim to surprise him. This one. This one was even sweeter and more…just, more.

Yuri smiled. He never realized it until now, but he and Victor are too alike. He has always been looking for something. And he finally found it.

"We're finally home Victor."

* * *

 **Sooooooooo? How was it? I've been on hiatus for so long (3 YEARS!) that I've forgotten how to write. I've been trying to grasp everyone's different personality and I am dying to know if I got it right. Some people might argue that Victor might be out of character in this fic because of his seriousness but I just wanted to show a different side of him that I believe exists. Victor gets serious when he needs or wants to be and I tried to make him have realistic reactions to the background story I gave him. Anyway, REVIEWS AND CRITICISMS are always welcome :). I shall use them to make better story for you guys! I really hope you enjoyed this one :)**

 ***start of shameless self promotion* I hope you can stand by me guys! This one shot is my warm up for a multi-chapter fic I'm planning to call 'Lost and Found'! Starring...dun dun da naaaaa...Yuri, Victor and my very own character! See you guys there! ^^**

 ****So I wasted a lot of time trying to put spaces between the lines where Victor is reliving his orphanage memories but every time I would click save the lines would just go back to how they were spaced before. I'm really frustrated because I feel that the scene would have a different feel when there are spaces between the lines. Is there anybody who can help this novice work this thing out? Any help is appreciated :) Thank you!**


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